(Totally) Breaking Up with You

I'm just pretend to be that strong.. Because I'm afraid of being hurt again..

"Do you know what it feels like of broken hearted.. Haven't you ever felt like dying because of a man?? Then I'll let you know. Not being able to sleep and not eating are just the basics. Sleeping, but waking up is torture. Because you don't know how to separate from someone you loved.

You can' tell anyone else. You're afraid that they'll think of them badly. And so, you cry all by yourself We're over, we're finished. But only memories of good times and love pop up. The more and more you try to erase them, the longer the days get.

So it's like you're breaking up with them for 365 days. But the thing that hurts the most, is that I don't think they're even thinking about me. I'm doing this by myself. That person has already forgotten all about me, and is now happy.

You really wish you were dead, but you don't have the courage, all because you're afraid that you won't ever get to see him again. It's like that, when you break up.. That's your heart. The reason why you're holding onto him, what you're feeling, how desperate it is... Do you understand..??" - Secret Garden

Semua berubah. Itu pasti. Dan mungkin akan disampaikan dalam bahasa yang frontal. Memori itu tidak akan hilang. Sesakit apa pun yang kita rasakan, pasti tetap memori terindah yang selalu muncul. Sejahat apapun perlakuan yang pernah diterima, tetap romantisme termehek-mehek yang menyelip di hati. Sesedih apapun perpisahan itu terjadi, rasa senang menyeruak dan bersyukur karena telah dipertemukan dan sempat memiliki dirinya.

Bertemu, mungkin, tiba-tiba, tidak direncanakan, bahkan sama sekali tidak terbersit dalam pikiran. Bertemu dalam kesakithatian. Dan dia ada. Satu tahun. Menghitung 365 hari paling lama dalam seumur hidup. Dua tahun. Rasanya seperti lari setengah putaran lapangan. Tiga tahun. Hai tahun ketiga! Empat tahun. Eh, udah tahun ke empat yaa?? Mau ngapain nih?? Lima tahun. Kayaknya kita tidak cocok dan tidak bisa bersama lagi.

Hari pertama. HUaaaaa.. HUUUAAAAA.. Huuuu.. Ngik.. Ngik.. Huuuaaaa... HHUUUUUAAAA... Hari kedua.. HUHUHUHUHU... HUHUHUHUHU.. HUUUUAAAA.. Ngik... HUHhuhuhuhu.. HUUUAAAA.. Ngik.. Hari kelima.. huhuhu.. Hari kelima belas.. Belanja yuk.. Cring.. Cring.. Hari kedua puluh.. Baju apa lagi.. Sepatu apa lagi.. Cring.. Sraaakkk.. Hari ketiga puluh.. hemmm.. I have to hold my head up high. Hari keseratus delapan puluh. Skripsi kali. Hari N. Lulus kali. Kerja kali. Sibuk kali.

Sometimes, we usually crying out loud to tell the world that you're broken heart and upset. Upset about your love, life, and fate. Some people, often spend their money to forget the scars that he made. Some people, always train hard, play hard, work hard, to forget the day's count. Some people, get someone to laid with or make a fake relationship. But, those didn't work out that much. Only time can heal the pain. Just face the day. Someday, the pain will heal by itself.

Berhubungan dengan perpisahan. Terutama dengan putus hubungan. Mengapa hal-hal tertentu tidak boleh terjadi lagi sih?? Sesakit apapun perpisahan dan hati yang terluka, di dalam hati pasti masih ada rasa sedikit-banyak. Bukan hanya dalam artian "BERHARAP" tapi niatan baik untuk menjaga silaturahmi atau pertemanan. Someone said, "Knapa sih lo, tik. Abis putus hubungan lo menjadi seperti ini? Perasaan gw sama mantan-mantan gw ga pernah begini. Masih minta tolong ga pake segan lagi." Let say, kasus setiap orang berbeda-beda. Bagi gw, ada orang-orang yang harus dijaga hubungannya dan ada orang yang memang lebih baik ga usah berhubungan lagi, baik selamanya atau untuk sementara.

Terkadang kita juga ga bisa boong kalo perasaan itu masih ada, mungkin masih sama, tapi keadaan membuat kita ga bisa kayak gitu lagi. Terkadang gw juga pengen menyalahkan itu. Kenapa sih kalo kita berhubungan dengan mantan kita, kita kerap disalahkan. Katanya, "Karena dia udah jahat sama elo." atau "Dih, ngapain. Udah putus mah udah. Cowo masih banyak kali." atau "Ikhlasin aja kali." Dengan berbagai nada, sinisme, empati, maupun benci.

Banyak pertanyaan yang muncul. Kenapa sih klo udah putus kita ga bisa ngobrol ky biasa lagi. Layaknya teman baik yang saling tukar cerita. Kenapa sih orang-orang selalu berkomentar yang seringnya ga enak didengernya. Kenapa kita ga boleh jalan-jalan atau pergi sama mantan kita lagi. Kenapa lo ngurusin hidup gw banget sih.

Satu pernyataan yang mungkin sulit diingkari. My best friend is my ex boy friend. Lima tahun bukan waktu yang singkat dalam menjalankan suatu hubungan. Segala naik-turunnya. Semua dijalanin bersama. Cerita pun ditumpahkan semuanya. Teman lainnya, bahkan teman baik lainnya, mereka hanya tahu, tapi tidak merasakan, hanya ikut merasakan.

Now, it is the second year living without you. Maybe, for one moment, I can live with cursing your name. But, in the other way, I still screaming your name silently. You just don't know, no one knows. Even i found someone better than you, he's attitude, he's kindness, he's affection, but still no one like you. No one knows me like you, dear best friend.

Have you ever felt. Telepon ga ya. Ah ngga ah, ntar ganggu. Sms ga ya. Ah, ntar ga dibales. And, ended up with a-Big-"Siigggghhhh..." Perasaan itu menyiksa. No one we can share our story with. Setiap hari tuker cerita, tuker pikiran, bercanda bareng, ketawa bareng. Detail kecil pun diceritakan. Tapi, ketika berdiri sendiri, siapa yang mau diceritain. Rasa pun pasti akan berbeda. I miss you, I miss US..!!

But, time change, people change, people grows up, we do too. Just hoping for the best. But still, why we can't be like back then? Small talk, chitty-chat until the sun rises, without no one complaining?? It's just sad. And I'm sad. So now, please take care of my boy friend.

"Everybody knows, but nobody really knows. How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt" - John Legend